Underwater Hamster Utopia

There’s two types of insanity on the internet: the horrifying train wreck and, more rarely, the weirdly cute.  “Hamture” is the later.

(Language warning of course.)

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Old Disney Movies Have to GO!

Two Hollywood actresses have come out this week to explain why they will not permit their daughters to watch a number of classic Disney animated films. Kristen Bell correctly pointed out that Snow White is kissed non-consensually by a necrophilic prince who sexually assaults a corpse. Keira Knightly took issue with “Cinderella” and “The Little Mermaid,” complaining that both stories reinforce the sexist “damsel in distress” theme.

I applaud both women for protecting their children from this highly-objectionable material. I only fear that our conversation about problematic cartoons has not gone far enough. There are several other Disney films that should be thrown on the ash heap of history alongside the ones mentioned by Bell and Knightly. Indeed, I would argue that it is actual child abuse to let your son or daughter watch…

Read the list HERE.

Kavanaugh Insanity

Once again the Babylon Bee is a little too close to reality:

Democrats Demand Kavanaugh Submit To DNA Test To Prove He’s Not Actually Hitler

While several Democrats have simply questioned Kavanagh’s prior political opinions, a growing contingent within the Party is demanding that the nominee submit to a DNA test in order to prove that he’s not literally Adolf Hitler.

“History books claim that Hitler committed suicide by ingesting cyanide and then shooting himself in the head, but we don’t know anything for sure,” said Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ). “Wouldn’t it be just like this president to choose Hitler to serve on the Supreme Court?”

As the hearings started up Tuesday morning, Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) claimed that Kavanaugh’s judicial decisions “put him on the same level as Hitler.” He added: “How can we know he’s not der Führer until we have DNA proof?” He then grilled Kavanaugh: “Are you now or have you ever been ADOLF HITLER HIMSELF, GOOD SIR???”

Meanwhile, on Twitter:

 

Kavanaugh is killing me

 

But you can totally tell they’re right because  Kavanaugh had a neo-Nazi sitting behind him making a “white power” hand sign!  And we now how evil that is.  I mean, look at it:

#NotOK

Literally Hitler Meets Literally Hitler

Trump’s a bad person for trying to bully North Korea and start World War 3 but he’s a worse person because he met with Kim Jong-un and talked to him.

On Monday evening, President Trump met with North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un, the tyrannical overlord of a slave state with 25 million prisoners and a gulag system containing hundreds of thousands of human beings, a radical threat to world peace who has tested nuclear weapons and long-range missiles. Trump gave Kim the thumbs up; the American flag, the symbol of freedom in the world, was placed alongside the flag of North Korea, the closest thing to the Nazi swastika in the world today. Then President Trump praised Kim fulsomely, using verbiage to describe him that he would never use about our G-7 allies.

And the right celebrated.

Ah, but not everyone, Littlest Chickenhawk, have no fear.

Kim Jong Un Criticized For Meeting With Nation That Has Killed 60 Million Babies

WORLD—North Korean President Kim Jong Un came under intense scrutiny this week after meeting with a barbaric nation that has killed over 60 million of its young since legalizing abortion in 1973.

Political commentators agreed that by meeting with the nation of savages that abort hundreds of thousands of their young each and every year, Kim Jong Un appeared to be legitimizing the backwards, depraved nation of America.

“Just picture Kim Jong Un up there shaking hands with Hitler,” one pundit said. “That’s basically what this amounts to, when you consider that he’s meeting with a country that has killed over 60 million babies since Roe v. Wade. I’m just not sure this kind of a meeting represents good optics for the North Koreans.”

Gamergate Ruined Everything

How the U.S. became Troll Nation: From Gamergate to the rise of Trump

The sad truth is that Trump owes his victory to a very dark turn in American conservatism. Unlike right wing ideologues of old, who at least tried to portray themselves as stabilizing and constructive, the right in the era of Trump is a movement of annihilation. They are bigoted, sexist, and mean, and often don’t even try to dress these destructive impulses up in the garb of tra­dition or religion.

They delight in cruelty for its own sake. Building something positive has no real value in this new right wing. Pissing off per­ceived enemies, such as feminists and liberals, is the only real political goal worth fighting for.

They are, in other words, a nation of trolls.

***

Trump’s election had the strangest of bellwethers: the world of video games.

It’s hard to believe it now, but in 2014, a storm of controversy raged for months in the online world of video gamers and became the template for what has been deemed “Trumpism.” Before there was Trump, there was “Gamergate,” where the smaller but equally American community of video game players was torn apart as the same bitter white guys (and their sad suck-up female supporters) lost their minds because some women had opinions about video games.

To most people who witnessed it at the time, Gamergate seemed like one of those incomprehensible internet wars that fades as quickly as it erupts, but in retrospect, it was an alarming portend of the rise of Trump, the alt-right and an America that now has torch-wielding white supremacists starting street fights in the name of fascism. It foretold a country where the American right has devolved into a nihilistic movement, prepared to tear down the country rather than share it fairly with women, LGBT people and people of color.

Like many historical calamities, Gamergate began because a young man did not accept it when a woman told him no.

What it all boils down to, folks, is that Eron Gjoni, a young man who was attracted to such feminine traits as colorful hair and an interest in social justice, destroyed America.  He did so by complaining about his girlfriend cheating on him.  Gjoni must be some kind of Bond villain to pull that one off.

The article is of course a bunch of hysterical gibbering about the evils of Trump, Gamergate, and machinations of the nefarious Milo.  Unfortunately, the author failed to do their due diligence and actually identify the true villain, the real monster who created Gamergate and thus created Trump and all the terror he has brought on America:

metokur twitter

Ban Guns, Then Knives, Then…

In Response To Growing Number Of Fistfights, London Mayor Bans Hands

LONDON—In response to a recent outbreak in fistfights, London mayor Sadiq Khan announced Monday a sweeping ban of hands in the city, effective immediately.

“No excuses: there is never a reason to have hands in a modern, civil society. Anyone who does will be caught, and they will feel the full force of the law,” Khan said at a press conference announcing the new policy during which he revealed that he has had his own hands surgically removed as a good-faith move to jump-start the new regulations.

Along with the new hand-control measures, Khan announced a new task force focused on purging the city of hands, as well as an expanded police presence focused on stopping and searching citizens who they think may have failed to have their hands removed from their person.

At publishing time, rumors were swirling that the mayor was planning on banning feet after two handless men got into a quarrel and began kicking each other.