After reading Vox’s Why Mother’s Matter and the ensuing comments, I’m left feeling not particularly hopeful about the state of affairs between the sexes. It was the comments not Vox’s post that I found troubling. A few women dared to post and were pretty much told to shut up, accused of “bitching” and trying to “shame” men (though there were some positive responses). I thought the women’s responses, mostly agreeing with Vox but just adding their perspective, were reasonable. In a nutshell: if you expect women to change, to return to more traditional ways and submit to men, you men had better change too.
Vox affirms the importance of mothers, especially full-time mothers, in raising the next generation and being instrumental in fighting the culture war, but many of the responses were apparently from angry, bitter men who hate women. Men claim to be the rational, unemotional ones, but often come across as big crybabies and respond quite irrationally (and even emotionally, though it looks different from women’s emotion — newsflash: anger is an emotion too). They claim women are the needy ones, but whine about their needs and how they can’t get what they want out of life. They feel justified in outlining what women are doing wrong and should change, but get all bent of of shape if a (gasp!) woman notes some ways men should change. If you want to offer constructive criticism to the opposite sex, fine, but you better be able to take it too.
Our current cultural state, feminism, etc. has ruined things for BOTH sexes. If you want to restore Western Civilization, stop making the opposite sex your enemy — that’s just playing into the feminist tactic to divide and conquer. Stop crying victim and refusing to recognize that women too are victims in this. And if you’re a man who says this isn’t true and that men have been the worse victims and that a woman can’t possibly understand what’s it like to be a man in this world today, well, maybe, but what makes you think you have a clue about what it’s like to be a woman now? There’s a reason men are sterotypically seen as clueless about women.
I’ve recently been thinking about humility and how lack of it contributes to many of the problems in our society and specifically, how it affects women. Lack of humility leads to women resisting being put in a “lower” position to men and the idea of submitting to or serving a man in any way. Hierarchy is seen as evil. Part of this is feminist indoctrination of course, that even the most conservatively raised woman has picked up from the surrounding culture to some extent. But it also stems from the desire to be special or important (and who doesn’t want to feel this way at least sometimes?). Everyone seems to want to be a leader, an achiever, to accomplish great things. No one wants to serve or admit that they’re not as good as someone else. No one just wants to wash the dishes and change diapers — things that on the surface accomplish nothing of lasting value and have to be done over and over again — and never hear a word of affirmation.
Being told that one is only fit for lowly things isn’t exactly a charming proposition. Men who reject feminist women and want a meek, little wife, but complain about women as stupid bitches who must be put in their place are idiots. Who would want to sign up for a life full of drudgery, be considered unimportant, and get to be, not a life-partner or equal companion, but little more than a dumb slave? You want women to return to traditional ways? You better make it sound more attractive than the fantasy of power and success held out by feminists.
There has to be a benefit for women to giving up their freedom and independence, and let’s be honest, a woman today is taking as big risk on today’s men as a man is taking on today’s women (statistics aside about women initiating more divorces – they might be the instigator but they’ve just ruined their own lives too). Pretty much everyone is damaged goods in some way and no one wants to get hurt. If today’s women have been trained to be over-critical of men and have too-high, unrealistic expectations of men and marriage, today’s men aren’t exactly the most attractive, paragons of virtue either, not exactly the kind of strong men who would inspire life-long devotion and submission.
If you men want to be served and submitted to, you have to offer something in return, and yes that includes fidelity, security, and at least a little affection. Sensible women will settle for less than perfection (a lot less); they’ll give up ideas of romance or having a soul mate or even a good friend in their spouse — and considering the lies woman have been led to believe, think what a hard pill that is to swallow. Even for women who aren’t so sensible, is it really all their fault that they’ve been fed a pack of lies all their lives? There are plenty of women who “wake up” and realize this. I’d say a little humility on all sides could help, starting with not demonizing the other.
Having the sexes at each other’s throats isn’t the way to ensure the survival of Western Civilization. Vox is on the right track to recognize the importance of mothers and give them a little credit for the hard work they do. Some of his commenters however have got it all wrong. The relationship between the sexes is so messed up I don’t know how to fix it — but I’m only woman after all, what would I know?